A New Way to Talk about the Ex… An Enlightened-ish Response to Breaking Up

Let’s talk about our exes… and try not to bash their inability to accept us as we are or love us the way we needed.

Let’s talk about what it is in us that welcomed them into our lives, even when we got signs that they didn’t value our differences or celebrate our unique ways of looking at the world.

Let’s talk about how they were intimidated by us but we allowed for it.

Let’s talk about how we knew we weren’t getting our needs met either, but we stayed out of a stubborn need to try harder.

Let’s talk about how, in the end, we didn’t love ourselves enough to choose better partners, lovers, spouses.

Let’s talk about exes… and realize that what was really lost was an outdated version of ourselves that we don’t want anymore anyway.

Relationship 2.0, 4.0, 8.0… it doesn’t matter, as long as you know that the updated version involves upgrades to your emotional and psychological hardware, then you are on a path that leads to wholeness.

On your temporary path of singleness or long journey towards marriage, let’s heal by talking about these 3 things:

Break-up-lines1. It’s Complicated. It ended because it was complicated. It’s always complicated. There are no easy break-ups, even when a couple tries to remain friends. There are as many reasons as there are excuses. If love wasn’t complicated, how would it know how to prepare your coffee but forget your anniversary? How would it know just what to say when you’re crying but constantly nag you about your clutter? How would it keep you warm on a cold night but sometimes give you the coldest stare mid-day? It was love. It didn’t last, but it was… love. Complicated love. Two words that are often times, synonymous.

2. It’s human. She’s not an asshole, even if she did cheat. He’s not a jerk, even if he didn’t Break_Up_Cardsupport you in your career. She’s not a cold bitch, even if she did lack emotional intelligence with you. He’s not obsessed with himself, even if he did spend more time with his friends than you. It was human… what did we expect? Take off the rose-colored glasses. We all played our human parts to the best of our abilities.

3. It’s over, but it left a mark. Her words left a scar. Good. You won’t ever let someone talk to you like that again. His dismissal was unforgivable. Good. You will never be in a thoughtless relationship again. You will never forget what it felt like to be alone in a relationship. Good…

breakups-repeatingWe know better how to do it right.

We know better what we need.

We know better who we are…

And we know what we’re talking about now.

All is well.

Namaste, broken-hearted. We bind our wounds when we know how to talk about our exes by empowering ourselves to make better choices, affirm stronger boundaries and celebrate that we are lovable.

To have and to hold… but never too closely, because Light is designed to move faster than Love…

P.S. I dedicate this to my former partners and anyone who considers themselves an ex… truth be told, you never knew me, because I didn’t know me. If I did, I wouldn’t have stayed so long. May you feel love, knowing that what was meant to be, was… for as long as it was necessary for us to learn that we deserved better in a relationship. You deserve someone who would never let herself be treated the way I allowed you to treat me. Wishing you a love without fear, with affirming boundaries and… a life far, far away from mine Seriously. No regrets… just… no repeats either 😉

2 thoughts on “A New Way to Talk about the Ex… An Enlightened-ish Response to Breaking Up

  1. Sweet, Gail!

    I can also appreciate some past relationships as perfect for their time, not meant to be for all time. Lessons were learned exactly as needed during them & in splitting from them.

    One of the best gifts I’ve ever been given was the opportunity to give the eulogy for an ex, 7 years after we had split up, as well as a solid friendship for his last 5 years.

    • Thanks, Steve! Wow, what a touching thing for you to share… I wonder how I would feel about that with my exes. I think I would be as open-hearted as to nurture a friendship if the stars aligned but most likely that isn’t as possible in my scenarios. But I couldn’t agree more… lessons learned, timing was “right” for them… and timing was “right” in a sense, for why they end. A very hard pill to swallow, especially if they don’t end mutually or smoothly.

      I appreciate you for stopping by 😉 Mwah!

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