When Hope Disappoints, Honor Life

On February 16th, I was facing the 5-month “anniversary” of my father’s death when I was simultaneously stunned by the betrayal of trust from an intimate friend who I never could have predicted would lose sight of the interconnected web of life that exists between us all, particularly between those we say we love.

While losing my father and the long night of September 15 – 16, 2011 changed my life, the dark night of February 15 – 16, 2012 was also very symbolic in my process of grief. I had to ask myself, “How can I lean into Hope when Hope is the very thing that appears to be causing the disappointment?

I wasn’t going to write about the grief that I’m “processing” right now because like my sister  suggests, sometimes people get so caught up in “process” that they don’t live their lives! I do not want to be guilty of missing out on my life however I also do not want to betray myself by squelching my emotional or soulful response to disappointment and loss.

That said, what I’ve decided to share is how I went to the store, in the midst of my grief, on less than 2 hours sleep, February 16th and picked out a bouquet of flowers to honor the losses. I also posted on my Facebook page about the importance of self-love and wrote “Never underestimate the power of buying flowers for yourself.” I took a picture of them that day… it’s below:

Today, March 3rd, when I woke up in the silence of a home I don’t recognize, though it’s still the same geographical residence, I was drawn to meditate upon various passages from the Sufi poet, Rumi. I read the words, “You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” I sipped my tea, read a few more passages and then looked at my flowers.

Here is the photo from this morning:

There isn’t a chance that anyone can tell me that 17 days later, a $8.99 bouquet of store-bought flowers is expected to be living this vibrantly.

I’ve changed their water, removed only three pink carnations, and the rest are reaching out to the Light and the Creation outside my window as if nothing has been lost… and today, while writing this post and uploading the photos, a dove sat on my windowsill, as if to say, “Hey, what magical Love is happening here this morning?”

Friends, loss is inevitable and while betrayal may not be, how we respond is our gift to the Universe. I read today also that “Your life is a message to the world. Make sure it’s inspiring.

I’m leaning into hope and the truth that We are One. My decisions, behaviors, thoughts and feelings are not so much “mine” but they are a garden to which I will tend to carefully and mindfully in order to protect and enhance the larger web of Life. It gives me peace, to honor Life.

We must begin with self-love and allow the Universe to show us the connection…

So I’m taking a risk with Hope and Light, God and Love and all of those other wildly ethereally expressions that are best summed up with words from Vernon Howard: ‎”Don’t try to be spiritual. That is only a word in the dictionary. Make it your goal to become a normally functioning individual. Let these principles shape you according to your real nature of a simple, decent, honest, unafraid human being.

Cheers, to a “simple, decent, honest and unafraid” human experience.

Namaste ~

~~

Romans 5:5 “... and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” A reminder, from “even the Bible” that we are connected. We are One.

7 thoughts on “When Hope Disappoints, Honor Life

  1. I cherish and honor our connection Gail~!~! Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I have learned so much from you and H101, this group has become my “safe place’ and where I run to when all seems lost. I haven’t had much hope in the last several years. Now I can see it and I get closer to it each day. Much <3~!~! "I see you"

    • Jan, I cherish and honor this connection as well! I almost cried when I read that you “haven’t had this much hope” in the last several years. We are all in this together… that is what the HS101 community is all about. Big hugs your way!

  2. Gail,

    Thank you for reaching IN and sharing, too! Your heart is so pure, and I can feel your pain transforming you and guiding you to a greater experience of life, love and all things beautiful.

    I am grateful for our connection, and for this post – it is near and dear to my heart.

  3. Your journey seems to run parallel to mine, or vice versa.
    Very deeply touching article. Felt like I also had a cup of tea in my hands, sipping on comfort and wisdom. Your messengers (the flowers and the dove) have inspired meaningful contemplation – thank you for sharing your experience with others.
    I believe that messages are everywhere, but many times we are just too busy or self absorbed to recognize them.
    Congratulations on your recognition and all the internal work you’ve been doing.
    Your Father is smiling on you, Gail.

    • Oh Joan, thank you for saying that about my Dad. The eyes of the dove that sat on my windowsill were so… knowing. It was wild. Not the first time they have visited since he died but it was extra poignant this time. This was a tough piece to put out there but I’m glad that I did. The grief needs to be channeled and the lessons need to be learned so I will never return to them again. Thank you for your friendship.

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